mind: how therapy can guide us through isolation and anxiety with matthew benjamin aka bushwacka
The live music industry is currently on pause. Festivals across the world have been cancelled for the immediate future and night clubs, gigs and events are either broadcasting online or not legally allowed to take place because of global lockdown measures. Many musicians and their teams have been at home since March. At first, it was a much needed break for many but as the months roll on, with no clear idea of when life will be back to normal it can feel like a long and winding road. An industry usually filled with unpredictable schedules and many used to spending more time in airports than in their own front rooms. No one predicted 2020 unravelling for our industry the way that it has but it does come with some benefits. Before the pandemic, burn out and the mental wellbeing of the people that are fundamental to the music business proved to be a sometimes difficult but ever present conversation. New solutions were needed and honest and open discussions were being brought to the surface. We now have time on our hands to relook at the foundations that the music world has been built on. Structures are changing, almost overnight and we have to opportunity to create a more balanced and robust industry. What the future looks like is down to us and the decisions that we collectively choose to make from here.
Matthew Benjamin is no stranger to the highs and lows of music business. Known formally as being one half of the electronic music duo Layo & Bushwacka, he is now a qualified psychotherapist. Having spent over thirty years working as a DJ and Music Producer, he found that the demands of his career not only impacted his well being but in turn affected many areas of his life, so he sought out therapy. He believes that the work that he did with his therapist shaped and guided him in a positive direction and led him to work with others. Working with clients in not only the music and entertainment industries but from all walks of life. Helping them to work through a wide range of emotional and mental health related issues from anxiety, depression, addiction, grief and loss, relationship, work issues, stress and low self esteem. This week, alongside his partner Belinda Matwali, they have launched Listen Up Therapy creating a safe space for people who work in music, media, entertainment and beyond.
Having worked in the music industry as a respected artist, what made you decide to become as psychotherapist?
Having worked in the music industry as an artist for very many years, what took me to become a psychotherapist and to train in psychotherapy really was wanting to understand more about why we do the things we do, what makes us tick, what makes me tick. What took me to that point really was I think a sense of feeling a little empty, a little unfulfilled in many parts of my life. So even though I had a very successful music career for a very long time, there were also elements that came with that success that I found very very difficult to deal with. There was a lot of loneliness, isolation, social anxiety and often depression. Being up all night, every weekend for years and decades, gigging and the lifestyle that came with that, took its toll on me. I had my own journey in and out of recovery for a long time which effected a lot of areas of my life. Through part of that process, of changing my lifestyle and living a clean, healthy life I started to learn about counselling and I had various different types of psychotherapy and counselling. I saw a psychotherapist weekly for a very long time and I also experienced group counselling, mindfulness courses, mindfulness lessons and meditation. The result of all of these things was that I really wanted to understand why we do the things we do. So around five years ago I took a vested interest first of all in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and that then led to me wanting to study psychology which in turn led to me taking a Master’s degree in psychotherapy.
How do you think that therapy could help musicians and their teams?
Coming from a creative background and creative industries myself, a lot of the struggles that I have faced and dealt with myself and have seen in others in my industry, I have now come to experience in ways that I have been able to explore through my own therapy as the client. One of the things that happened to me quite often, over the years in therapy was that I would conclude that there were certain aspects of my life in music as a touring DJ, as a Producer that I felt that perhaps my therapist just would not understand. I feel that, having somebody to talk to that you know does understand more about what you are going through because you know that they have been through some of those things themselves. In some instances, can be really really helpful. How it helped me, was that I was really able to sit and explore different possibilities of how I was viewing the same situations and start to understand that there was a potential different outcome to the repeated behaviours, the repeated feelings and emotions that I would constantly get stuck with. Through therapy that has really led me to be able to develop a greater understanding of myself, of others and to be able to grow.
Why don’t more people do it?
There are a few factors that play in to that. A lot of people might think that they like the idea of therapy but they get the fear around confiding in somebody. There is a part of them that feels like they want to change but when faced with the possibility of change it’s actually more daunting and more scary than staying in the uncomfortable place that they are in already. So, we as humans out of conscious awareness we find reasons not to go in to therapy, we find reasons to try and fix things ourselves which is ok but it often doesn’t work. Financial reasons play in to why more people don’t do it as well. It’s very difficult to get seen on the NHS and be put on a waiting list and just get a few sessions of therapy and then be left to it. Long term therapy can be costly. There are low-cost options, again there are often waiting lists for those. There are financial implications to what holds people back from being able to enter in to therapy some of the time. I think that more people do do it these days. It’s become much more common place. I think it took the UK a little bit longer to catch up with The States in terms of the concept of therapy but I think a lot more people are now very open to it, want to do it and really get a lot from it.
How could psychotherapy help to improve performance and productivity?
I have had many creative blocks myself. I have had anxiety around performance. It wasn’t a massive issue for me in terms of the performance itself but some of the destructive behaviours that I might act out with before, during or after the performance was something that I needed to address in therapy. Whether that was to do with drink, drugs, social anxiety, loneliness, a lot of things came up for me often the day after a performance. It wasn’t always about being on stage, it was about being able to sit with myself afterwards back in a hotel when there was nobody around. It was difficult. Therapy has really improved that side of my life. Trying to have a greater understanding of what was going on for me in those moments. I have had plenty of creative blocks in my time but I am also working as a therapist with many people who suffer with creative blocks. This is something that I feel that there is a lot of room for improvement with people when they start to let go of their beliefs which are holding them back from being creative. Whether that belief is around needing to reach a certain milestone, needing to get a certain degree of success within that creativity. Needing something to be accepted by certain groups of people or by anybody. Needing that piece of music to be better than the last piece of music that that wrote. Needing there to be a result from that creativity which ends up being a career achievement. A lot of the work that I do with people is around self-acceptance. Around channelling feelings, channelling emotions creatively and around keeping goals realistic and really working with people on what happens for them when they don’t get the result that they are craving.
Before lockdown, much of the music world was based around busy clubs, international travel and meeting up with your friends and colleagues at festivals. Now, many of us are at home and the immediate future of the live music industry is uncertain. What advice could you give to anyone who many be finding this transition tough?
It’s really important, in my opinion, for people that are finding this transition tough to first and foremost, remember that you are not alone. This is a collective experience that people are having. It’s so easy to fall in to hole that is very difficult to climb out of when you feel that it is all you and that this is all happening to you and forget about the big wide world out there in a way. I think connection is really important, it’s not the same, not being able to connect face to face in person. It's not the same experience but it really is important to reach out and connect with people. People won’t always notice what you are going through. It’s like the invisible illness when you are feeling depressed, when you’re feeling stuck and in this transition, where perhaps you were just starting to get some success with your career or with your work. You were at a point where it had really turned in to something and suddenly the rug had been pulled from under your feet. It’s kind of what happened with me alongside hundreds of thousands of other people. I went from having a full DJ diary for the whole of this year to just having nothing in that department. It wasn’t just about having the financial implication it was about the social connection and about connecting with people through music. In terms of how we deal with this now, I think it’s really important to take your self-care very seriously. Connect with nature. Connect with people however you may want to do that. Social media can be quite toxic but it does have its advantages too. I think it’s really important to keep a level head and an open mind as to how you connect with people but try not to buy too much in to the media hype and the catastrophising that’s going on out there because that can take your mental health in to a much worse place.
How has therapy changed your life?
Therapy has changed my life. It’s enabled me to grow. It’s enabled me to start to peel back the layers of who I am, who I think I am and what’s really important in life. One of the things that I have learnt the most about in therapy is that how I might be experience a situation whether it be something to do with relationships, family, work, health, intimacy, whatever it may be. That there is more than one way to look at what’s going on and that perhaps by looking at something through a different lens and really thinking in to it and thinking what that means and thinking about what’s going on with me that is creating that belief inside me about that situation. Where has that come from? How can I challenge that? How can I counter that and take myself back in to an adult place of here and now? With conscious awareness and be able to deal with things on a much more grounded basis with my feet on the ground and to try to move through some of these problems. Sometimes it’s very very subtle. I have had many therapy sessions where I feel like nothing has really happened and I have had many sessions where I feel like a lot has happened and I have had some real light bulb moments and I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s been one of the most beneficial things I have ever done.
For anyone who is apprehensive about speaking to someone about the things that are troubling them, how do you think that psychotherapy could help?
The thing that psychotherapy and counselling can really help with is that you are in a safe space. You are in a confidential, neutral, non-judgemental space where you can sit, you can talk about how you are feeling, you can talk about what is going on for you. It’s not the same as talking to one of your friends or even your family. It’s not opinion based. Depending on the kind of service that you are working with, whether it’s a specific type of counselling or psychotherapy, you might be guided in certain ways but the most important thing is that it is confidential. It's your space. You can really open up in there. Building up a strong working alliance with your therapist or counsellor can lead to amazing results. It takes time. A lot of people come in to therapy wanting to get fixed. They want the instruction manual. They want the therapist to tell them how to do this, how to change, when really, it's about exploring what might be stopping you making those changes.
connect with matthew and find out more…
visit his website or book a session: https://www.listenuptherapy.com
follow him on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bushwacka
